Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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