i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
