May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
