i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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