so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
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