i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just google imaged poop.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
