I'm so fucking centered right now
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
