You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
