You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
