dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
