I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
