He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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