Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
