my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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