The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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