We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
