he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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