mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
