How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
