I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
