i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
