Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
