her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
