i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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