well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
