I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
