I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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