Sry I called you an 8
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
