I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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