At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize