I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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