i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
