My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
