i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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