dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
