Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
