I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
