some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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