haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
