btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
