Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
