So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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