Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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