you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Someone signed my nipple.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
