I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize