I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
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As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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