JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
