dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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