he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
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I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
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I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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