I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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