she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
