she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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