we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
