im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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