I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
