I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
