Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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