she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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