Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
