I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
How's work?
Spinning.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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