Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
