yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
