I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
