Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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