Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
