I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
