Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
